Newsflash! Coffee makes the world go round

You see without coffee the world stops spinning. It just stops. And you don't want the world to stop spinning do you? No? Then read on.

Recently it was discovered that the world is infact a giant coffee bean and we are all enjoying it. So where does the Rob stand on this issue? We asked him.

"More! Want more coffee....COFFFFEEEEEEEEE!!!!"

We decided it was time to leave after he began drooling.

From the coffee mine

News is just coming in on conditions in the coffee mines. Workers seem to be buzzing merrily yet somehow not doing much work.

"I'm working on a novel you wouldn't understand," one worker told us. "I'm freaking out!!!!" another claimed.

However from this mine at least 50 000 tones of coffee beans are dug up before being transported to your homes every day. So who's doing the mining? I've no idea I think I've had too much coffee today! AAAARGH!

The coffee bean world!

Protest have risen in the last few weeks demanding that we stop mining the world of its coffee bean center.

Tea drinkers have declared that coffee drinkers are destroying the world as they continue to mine for it's sweet brown goodness. Mmmmm. Sir Bean, owner of the world's largest coffee mine had this to say "I think this is silly. The world has plenty of coffee to go around. Infact the act of drinking coffee is what keeps the world spinning."

However tea drinkers across the globe were not so impressed. "I gave up coffee a long time ago for health reasons and I feel fine. But it's just not the same! Oh father what have I done?! Give me a coffee someone!!" We quickly provided this protester with a latte.

More as this story unfolds

Newsflash!!! The world is a giant coffee bean!

Scientists have finally come round to the idea that the world is infact a giant coffee bean!

As published in the journal of gibberish Dr. McSomething has confirmed that the world as we know it is not infact the world at all.

"You see coffee comes from plants which grow in the ground but if the world is not coffee then where do these beans come from?" Dr. McSomething claimed in his essay.

However Prof. Whocares of Icantthinkofaname University disputes these claims. "This is preposterous! We all know the world is a giant tea leaf."

This new debate reached a peak when NASA decided to intervene. One of their top scientists insisted that "We do know what the world is made of. Infact we have photographic evidence that the world is not a tea leaf. Such an idea is laughable. Also who are you and how did you get in here?"

So it seems that the world may infact be a giant coffee bean. More as this story unfolds.

What's been happening to Rob?

Oh such terrible things have been happening here since last Rob spoke. He has become old! Oh so old and ancient. Oh the shame ooooh the terror. No he's not 30! Get out of here he's not that old. He's 95 I'll have you know! It's face cream that's the key... eh? What face cream? Nah trade secret not telling you! Only Rob may know and *sniff* he won't even tell me.

Anyway in the last near 10 years Rob has been on a most epic journey. Maybe someday I'll tell the tale. Maybe someday this site will have some logic to it. Maybe Rob will stop speaking in third person but...pffft that would be boring.

Awake

From under the rubble came a deep groan. The Rob, it seemed, had decided to wake up at long last. Removing the masses of concrete and bodies with his unnatural strength (that I've decided Rob has for the bases of this tale) he surveyed his surroundings.

Yes it had been a great battle. Long and hard won. Won? It felt like it for sure yet somehow it seemed wrong. What was this battle about? How long was it fought? Against who was it fought and why? Maybe that is best left unknown. Squids probably. Isn't it always?

Rob's world was in ruins but that was nothing new. Soon it would be a wonderous world of domination with Rob in control (which is often the way of things let's face it).

With a deep sigh Rob began the epic clean up.